Friendship In Your 30’s
Friends are the family you choose
One thing that nobody told me about when I turned 30 is how friendships change. While aging is inevitable, friendships are not immune to transformation either. In my 20s, I made new friends at university and had to see which of my high school friends would stay. When I started working, some of my coworkers became friends. Moving countries, I made new friends with people who shared the same hobbies. There was always some kind of transition in friendships, and yet I didn’t expect the change that happens in your 30s.
Scheduling Time With Friends In Your 30s
Shifting from their twenties to their thirties, people spend less time with their friends. Everyone seems to be constantly busy and time becomes precious. Many of us work 40 hours or more per week, leaving little to no free time. However, we are expected to take care of our mental and physical health, pursue our hobbies, maintain a social life, and also manage our homes.
Therefore, trying to find a suitable date to meet up requires a lot of effort and project management; either in the form of a poll, an excel spreadsheet, several WhatsApp groups, chats, calls and calendar invites. Let’s face it: not seeing one’s friends on a daily basis anymore sucks. You don’t sit in class together, or live together, you might not even be based in the same city or country. With that arise logistical challenges.
Then add partnerships to the mix. Coordinating one’s schedule around a significant other, who also has a busy calendar makes it extra hard. On top of that the late 20s/ early 30s are often the age where people deal with proposals and wedding arrangements which in itself are a lot to manage and much more time-consuming than it appears.
And lastly, a natural progression that comes with aging is that people start settling. For some this might look like getting a pet, for others it can entail owning real estate and for a few it might be the choice to have children. Either way, it often comes with more responsibilities. And the one thing that really alters one’s schedule is the decision to start a family because once you take care of another human being, your life revolves around them and not the other way round.
That being said, I have come to accept the cancellation or rescheduling of plans. I have come to terms with the fact it can take between one to six months to find a suitable date in the first place. And I have reconciled myself to never taking these things personally. Besides, I have learned to appreciate any effort made and I’m even more delighted when I get to spend time with my friends after all.
Recognizing who’s on your “home team” in your 30s
A natural consequence of the decline of time spent with friends is that one’s circle of friends becomes smaller in your 30s. Throughout the years some friends come and go. Some are only meant to stick around for a season. Some are a lesson, some are a blessing. However, some people come into your life to stay. Those are the friends worth keeping. Because even if you only see them once or twice a year, even if they live across the world or even if it takes six months to meet up, when you finally see each other again, it is as if no time has passed. You can pick up right where you left off and you know these people have your back no matter what.
New Friendships in your 30s
As I’m sure is the case for many of you, I have a variety of friend groups that have evolved over the years. Four of my best friends whom I have known for over 20 years are like sisters to me. My group of university friends has decreased in size, however our core group is still active and regularly hangs out. Some of the coworkers I have had over the years, and whom I shared collective work trauma with, are still a very important part of my life.
So while my social circle and network is considerably big, it is never “full”. I still thrive on making all sorts of connections and I love making new friends. And yet, it is hard. There are less opportunities to meet new people. And with a full schedule one often does not feel like adding even more into the mix. However, I don’t think we should ever shy away from making new friendships in our 30s. With every new decade, comes new challenges which are easier to handle when shared. Whether it’s “mommy” friends, dog-walking friends or pilates friends – making new friends as adults might be more difficult than it used to be back in college but it is just as crucial to a fulfilled life as is family. You can’t choose your family but you can choose whom you surround yourself with.
Friendship in your 30s
As we go through life, the dynamic of friendships may evolve over time, yet one thing remains constant: the significance of companionship only grows.
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
Elisabeth Foley
As we move into adulthood and beyond, the responsibilities and challenges we face tend to increase. We are confronted with more complex problems and obstacles, such as grief, loss, divorce, infertility, break-ups, financial issues, and health problems. The list can seem never-ending.
However, amidst these struggles, having the right people by our side becomes even more crucial. These are the individuals who lift us up when life drags us down, offering support, understanding, and a shoulder to lean on. They serve as a beacon of light in the darkest of times, guiding and encouraging us to keep moving forward.
I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.
Helen Keller
The beauty of friendship in your 30s is that you already went through a decade of transitioning. And the people who made it out of that with you and are still by your side, will likely make it through another decade. (You know what they say: If a friendship lasts more than 7 years, it will last for a lifetime.)
As we grow older, our priorities and lifestyles naturally change, resulting in less partying and wild nights out. However, the essence of friendship remains constant, providing unwavering support, understanding, and connection throughout life’s ups and downs. Although we may not have the opportunity to spend every moment together like in our younger years, the quality of our interactions becomes more valuable. It is the little moments, heartfelt conversations, and shared experiences that create cherished memories. Whether it’s a simple phone call, a monthly gathering, or a heartfelt message, these acts of connection help keep the flame of friendship alive. In your 30s, friendship is about finding comfort in knowing that there is always someone you can rely on.
True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.
I, too, am forever grateful for my circle of friends. They have influenced my journey, molded my character, and filled my life with laughter, love, and unforgettable memories. Despite the physical distance, they are always a part of me, and I am fortunate to have them by my side.
Sincerely, The Blonde Yeti 
The Blonde Yeti 
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